In Defense of Monogamy
Editor’s Note: The Views expressed in this article are those of the author.
“And if we go to jail for the rest of our lives whoopty-do.”
This direct quote from a Young Thug interview after his two-and-a-half-year-long jail sentence captures the sentiment increasingly common among Generation Z: The equation of committed relationships to imprisonment.
Personally, I’ve had my fair share of “situationships” (dating without commitment), but I’ve never let that close me off from getting into a relationship, even if we ended up parting ways in the end.
The idea of being actively repelled by committing to one person sheds light on larger questions: What’s wrong with adhering to the romantic feelings you have for one person and why is the idea of anti-monogamy so imposed on Gen Z?
The Fear of Public Humiliation
Social media (or should I say the age of public humiliation) plays a big role in the idea of anti-monogamy. A committed relationship today exposes you to the risk of having your image be harmed by that very person.
For example, audio recordings were recently exposed of Rapper Young Thug admitting to cheating on Singer Mariah The Scientist, sparking debate across platforms like X and Instagram. Under an Instagram Reel of Mariah singing Destiny’s Child’s “Cater 2 U” for Thug at her birthday celebration, commenters questioned the choice.
“It gives this is her first boyfriend or sum,” one wrote.
“Man got it so easy,” another said.
This is a relationship Mariah very publicly shared and wasn’t shy of showing affection. Now the situation has become a cautionary tale about naiveness with someone who doesn’t reciprocate those feelings. Many young women and men have had similar experiences of being serially cheated on and left exposed to public judgment.
What happened to Mariah, which happens to so many people in relationships, is tragic but 12 different situationships isn’t the answer.
The Vulnerability Issue
Alivia White, a sophomore in criminology and criminal justice at the University of Maryland, who is in a monogamous relationship, said, “People are scared to give their full heart to one person because it means they can actually hurt you. It’s a vulnerability issue.”
Many people struggle with trust issues, which in my opinion is embedded in a rejection of vulnerability and self-sacrifice.
It’s difficult to be vulnerable with someone you don’t trust and don’t want to fully connect with emotionally. This opens you up to the potential of emotional pain. We’ve all felt that betrayal of opening up to someone you genuinely like just to be shattered by the outcome or unreturned feelings.
Young people want the beauty and connection that comes with love and intimacy, but not the sacrifice or vulnerability required. So where do we end up? Hookup culture.
The Normalization of Detachment
“Hook-up culture has become too normalized, and people don’t want to admit to the intimacy that comes with being with one person,” said UMD student Mariam Kone. “No one wants to be categorized as a simp.” A simp is a “someone who does way too much for a person they like,” according to Urban Dictionary.
In an anonymous questionnaire filled out by 12 students to gauge views on monogamy versus casual dating, over half admitted to feeling hesitant to commit to one person for fear of disloyalty or deception. Many described situationship culture as “horrible” and “overstimulating.”
One student’s response wrote, “I feel like people do it for temporary feelings to fill in the void of something missing inside them, but they can never really escape it, so they use it as a coping mechanism.”
This raises another question, can talking to or “hooking up” with multiple people at once satisfy the actual issue of feeling too much or too little? What is Gen-Z actually looking for in a relationship, and is this an act to self-soothe?
The Choice Paradox
Another factor driving commitment-phobia is digital dating and the paradox of “too much choice.”
Dating apps such as BLK, Tinder and Hinge are a tap away. It’s no wonder commitment seems unappealing when we have the power to send a text and become a “match” or “hookup” with any remotely attractive person.
It’s become normalized to talk to multiple people you meet on social media platforms like Instagram or TikTok, where liking someone’s story equals expressing romantic interest. There’s no regard for genuine feelings.
Too much choice in Gen-Z’s dating pool leaves room for a swift exit at all times because whether you just like a few of someone’s stories from a distance or text and hook up occasionally, you can always ghost them.
In short, many members of Gen-Z want to have their cake and eat it too.
My suggestion? Grow up.