A Friend to Everyone Is a Friend to None
When neutrality becomes harmful, have a spine. You’re not “non-confrontational” or “minding your own business,” you’re weak.
Just a public service announcement before there are pitchforks outside my apartment: this article is targeted at no individual in particular, but if the shoe fits, wear it. The statements still stand. Now, this piece is not to bash or look down on those who are friendly to most. With the current state of the world we need more love in everyday life.
My quandary comes when “friendship” becomes a chess match. All pieces are laid on the table, and you’ve now become involved in a game you didn’t even know you were playing by someone you had mistaken as one of your closet confidants. Snakes hidden in the grass you thought was freshly mowed. I began to wonder, when does neutrality in a friendship become just plain betrayal?
The Knight
In a chess match, the knight is referred to as one of the sneakiest pieces at play; it is the only piece in the game that quite literally jumps over other pieces with nothing the other pieces can do. They go where pieces can not and lay surprise attacks when least expected.
This is how these types of “neutral” friendships appear to me. There’s a sense of loyalty or honesty that’s assumed until… boom, surprise attack. The one who appeared to exhibit traits of a quality friend suddenly jumps over you. The one who refuses to pick a side has chosen, and it wasn’t you. These occurrences make you begin to question if the little knight had it in them all this time. You question if you just saw them with your eyes closed.
The Pawn
Now the pawn, bless our little soldier’s heart. The pawn’s only choice is to move forward. They protect the bigger pieces. The pawn has the ability to block attacks and, in the process, rise to queenship.
At the end of the day, even if the attack is coming from someone you loved, someone you trusted, someone you once called “friend,” the deed is done. Protecting yourself can come in various forms, from standing up for yourself to walking away from the relationship all together. It’s crucial to do what will bring you the most peace.
The Rook
Rooks are one of the strongest pieces in the game. They’re all about power and control. Each player gets two, maybe that friend who genuinely wants the best for you, who’s not easily shaken. They’re clear and concise; they move up, down, left or right. There are no surprises to them, because honesty is an anchored part of their policy. So even if you’ve been sneak attacked or just flat out thrown on to the board, take a step back and look for your rook. They have your back and will do what they can to keep you grounded and in the game.
Checkmate
Now, I fear it’s time to take this little shit off the board. This may be a game you never wanted to play, but i’m gonna tell you step by step how to win. Remember your starting points. What made you decide to pursue this friendship in the first place? How is it serving you?
Look at the character traits of your opponent and evaluate if it’s possible this is who they were to begin with, or if they just wanted to be a part of your chess set out of convenience. Now that an opportunity has risen for them to create their own set of chessmen, they’ve taken it.
Next, master how your pieces move, in this case your values. It may sound cliche, but why stoop lower than someone who already knows they’re beneath you? You could dig up old things they told you in confidence and use them against them, you could gossip and slander, but I’m pretty confident in your character and that’s not your style. You don’t play dirty to “win,” because you don’t have to. A true loss would be becoming a piece you don’t recognize. A rook becoming a pawn, a bishop becoming a knight.It just doesn’t fit because it’s not you.
The last step is to move with grace. This could include a conversation the other player has been dancing around, or it could be carefully evaluating the situation and deciding they’re not worth it. If this is the person they’ve decided to be, let them. Their unwillingness to choose a side until it was up to you speaks more volumes to them as a person than you flipping the table ever could.
Create a new space, block threats and pursue stable ground.
Checkmate.