The “Good Guy”

Explain to me why it’s implied that women must suffer at the hands of “the one”, quickly….

With the current route the state of the world is moving you’d think we were already in hell. Then Klay Thompson cheated on Megan Thee Stallion in April and we dropped down another floor. Many think the outrage from the world, especially from Black women is a result of a parasocial relationship.  However, it’s really more of what the situation represents in our society. Generally being a Black woman in today’s America means you have to work three times as hard to gain half of the recognition and credibility. Megan is a public figure who:

1. Is a Black woman 

2. Had nothing handed to her

3. Continues to defy the odds of every obstacle from losing both of her parents before the age of 25 to being constantly publicly ridiculed. 

It’s no wonder we, the collective Black women, would be rooting for her in all aspects of life, no one else ever is. Her relationship with Klay Thompson gave a little hope to everyone else out there that as a Black woman you can find a guy out there who will treasure you, keep you and uplift you. When that fell flat, not only were we hurt for our girl but for ourselves as well. I began to wonder, what composes the illusion of “the good guy” and how do you see through the rose colored glasses? Take a seat while we unpack “the good guy”.

Sweet as Sugar

So what do we know about the “good guy?” Recall those conversations you’ve had with your homegirl, your mom or your best friend. There’s one phrase that always wiggles its way in: 

“He’s nice.” 

The majority of the conversations I’ve had with my girlfriends about why they continue to pursue things with a certain guy even if he’s lacking in other aspects comes down to that very same: 

“He’s nice.” 

In a world where kindness has become one of the hottest commodities, I think it’s easy for people to underestimate its impact. He reminds you of gentleman behavior, he courts you over messages, then on a phone call, then face-to-ace. He knows what he wants and how amazing you are (of course, it’s you) so he’s not shy to take initiative to show that. Intentional planning, thoughtful dates, doors all go untouched. He’s charming, he’s funny, goodmorning, goodnight. He takes interest in what interests you, you begin to feel like the sun his world rotates around. 

Call it what you may— drinking the Kool-Aid, riding the bandwagon, wearing the rose colored glasses— what’s imperative to understand is that the reasoning isn’t all in your head. It’s not a figment of your imagination, you don’t have to give him the benefit of the doubt because he hasn’t given you any. After weeks become months of riding this admiration and enamor, when he asks you to be “his girlfriend” you honestly believe it’d be crazy not to accept. To let the “good guy” in a sea of mediocre ones slip away.

Sour as Bad Milk

Everyone has character flaws. Things about themselves, some changeable, some fixed, some not super pretty. Falling victim to constant lateness, morning crankiness, impatience, slightly forgetful, the list goes on. What separates this from just blatantly being a dick is the self awareness and willingness to do better. The illusion of the “good guy” doesn’t sour when you see his more human characteristics but when it begins to feel like you don’t recognize this person at all. 

Now that you’ve leveled up to girlfriend status, the intentional dates begin to vanish. Yuck, this is the first time you’ve touched a door, he doesn’t seem to value your feelings as much as he did before you were his, your sun his earth once orbited around becomes cooler than it’s ever been, hell must’ve genuinely froze over. He’s too busy for a call, for a text, for you and wants you to settle for an “I’m sorry babe.” 

I feel like a good rule of thumb, especially in the early stages of a relationship, is once “I’m sorry” loses its genuineness and becomes a constant it may be time to re-evaluate. It seems like he’s just a sorry man, and you’re just as sorry for staying.

Rat Trap

I feel like there is one pill we all have to swallow: creating a false romantic ideal around a person you’re with and believing that’s all that will come with that relationship will leave you disappointed. I’ll hold your hand when I say this, there’s no guy that is going to be absolutely perfect. It all comes down to what you’re willing to accept in terms of baggage and the behavior that comes with it. 

Let me just wash this down by saying that I am overjoyed that Megan left when she saw this. She was willing to accept what she referred to as “horrible mood swings” but drew the line at cheating and refusing to be monogamous. The second you start inching that fence of what you’ll accept you’re ultimately setting yourself up for disappointment. 

So set that rat trap, know your own boundaries, what green flags look like to you, what red flags wave higher than others and what you’re willing to sacrifice for stability, but please don’t let it be yourself.